I went to the store where I get my liquor and bought myself a bumper sticker slapped it over the dent where I hit that damn racoon popped in the clutch and I revved it up god - ain’t nothing like a pickup truck with a bumper sticker shining like the moon She's just a beat up ninety-two, smells like beer and fender glue she gets fifteen miles to a gallon of gas that's true there's a stain in the back where the dog threw up, plus a permanent home for my coffee cup yes I love my truck, but darlin' don't be blue cuz my other truck is you I know you get jealous when I stay out late blastin’ Marshall Tucker Band on the 8-track tapes hittin’ every pot-hole down route 293 Her fender’s dangling by a pair of shoelaces but she’s got rust in all the right places with an old coat hanger where her antenna used to be If she don’t start the first time I don’t fret Cuz I know she’s just playing hard to get She’s a bit shy and you know that suits me fine bobblehead elvis on the dashboard hopping ninety miles out of dallas and we ain’t stopping just me and my truck and that double yellow line She's just a beat up ninety-two, smells like beer and fender glue she gets fifteen miles to a gallon of gas that's true there's a stain in the back where the dog threw up, plus a permanent home for my coffee cup yes I love my truck, but darlin' don't be blue cuz my other truck is you

Bust into the club on a thursday night my glasses poppin' - my jeans tight. I see the girls; they're getting tighter I see the guys; they're all drinking cider. What?! what kind of a man drinks cider, dude? take a look at me - I'm drinking lighter fluid. yeah, that's right. pour me a double you're all in trouble now bust off the bar and I hit the floor y'all candy canes ain't never seen moves like this before I got my legs flippin' floppin every which way I throw my hands in the air and that's where they stay I drop my glasses on the ground, and then I leave 'em- don't need your eyes cuz you're not gonna believe 'em and if you see me move you'll say: "holy shit is that the mr. magoo?" yo I got a new dance for 2002 so pop off your glasses it's the mr. magoo and chuck out your cane cuz it ain't no trick you just wander round the club bumpin' into shit now I'm talking to the furniture and walls like I know 'em I got a hundred million pictures of my grandkids to show 'em people get confused, they think I'm cold trippin got a loose grip on reality and every day I'm slippin but if you see me dancing with the coat rack don't be concerned for me man, just stand back and keep track of your camera phone cuz I'm about to bust a move heretofore unknown and just like your mind, it's gonna get me blown stretch limosine with some sexy librarians veterinarians, hot Presbyterians all because I dance like an octogenarian more groupies than ringo starr false teeth floating in a glass on the bar and there's only one other dance I endorse and it's for girls: just a little jig I call the secret squirrel yo I got a new and you know how it do so pop off your glasses it's the mr. magoo and chuck out your cane cuz it ain't no trick you just wander round the club bumpin' into shit everybody get up now, pop off your spectacles and dump 'em in the nearest trash receptacle then check yourself before you wet yourself cuz we're about to get kooky like a keebler elf and all those cider-drinkin idiots will be spittin it on the floor when you're bumping into shit they'll be cheering for more til the world ends in 2004 or ten years after that? I can't be sure what I am sure is that the Magoo makes you look like a mac and that's a fact, guaranteed or double your money back you'll have glasses-poppin, panty-droppin' moves like me the only dancer sponsored by the AARP in conclusion, you could tap dance, break dance, slow dance- do the risky business in the shirt, socks, and no pants - you could fox trot, flamenco, tango, dougie- you could charlie brown, electric slide, hustle, waltz, and monkey- you could do the boogaloo, or the old soft-shoe, but it wouldn't hold a candle to the mr. magoo cuz when I hit the floor, man I freak the club- I shout: "help! I've fallen and I can't get up!" yo I got a new dance for 2002 so pop off your glasses it's the mr. magoo and chuck out your cane cuz it ain't no trick you just wander round the club bumpin' into shit

When it's over That's the time I fall in love again And when it's over That's the time you're in my heart again And when you go go go go I know And it never ends It never ends All the things that I used to say All the words that got in the way All the things that I used to know Have gone out the window All the things that she used to bring All the songs she used to sing All the favorite TV shows Have gone out the window I'm missing you I never knew how much you loved me I'm missing you I never knew how much you meant to me I need you and when you go go go go I know It never ends Never ends All the things that I used to say All the words that got in the way All the things that I used to know Have gone out the window All the things that she used to bring All the songs she used to sing All the favorite TV shows Have gone out the window I'm wishing you You'd never said you were pretending I'm wishing you You'd feel the same and just come back to me I need you and when you go go go go I know It never ends It never ends When it's over Can I still come over And when it's over Is it really over All the things that I used to say All the words that got in the way All the things that I used to know Have gone out the window All the things that she used to bring All the songs she used to sing All the favorite TV shows Have gone out the window All the things that I used to say All the words that got in the way All the things that I used to know Have gone out the window All the things that she used to bring All the songs she used to sing All the favorite TV shows Have gone out the window

I ate a pear with a hole now I got a tapeyworm down in my soul looks like pasta in my bowl makes my bowels lose control Tapeworm, tapeworm - I swear at night I can feel you squirm Tapeworm, tapeworm - I drink fire just to watch you burn You may think my jeans are skinny I got a tapeyworm down in New Guinea You may suppose that I'm a vegan I eat more meat than Ronald Reagan Tapeworm, tapeworm - I swear at night I can feel you squirm Tapeworm, tapeworm - I drink fire just to watch you burn

Mom and dad it's 2015 let go your aging preconceptions you know as well as I do that all human women are filthy whores don't call her "that" you know her name is mitsubishi do, don't call her Mimi-San; only I can call her that My robot bride, my robot bride - LED display and 15 gigs of RAM inside lifelike texture and a lifetime guarantee bluetooth connection and she holds my MP3s my my my robot bride my my my my my robot bride all the other kids at school try in vain to hide their envy though they point and laugh I hear the way they whisper in the hallway when I cross the cafeteria they should see two lovers kiss or I open your compartment to adjust your levers My robot bride, my robot bride - 10 easy payments of just $19.95 wifi equipped, HDMI and USB 10 custom hairdoes and 3 self-cleaning orifices oh my my my my robot bride my my my my robot bride

Nancy Drew I'm in love with you can't you understand, can't you get a clue? The way I feel is no mystery won't you hold my hand? please say you'll go out with me oh, Nancy I don't know why you can't see that I'm in love with you I'm in love with you, Nancy Drew You cracked the case of the ghost on the stairs tell me nancy, do you even care about me? you catch all the crooks and the thieves Nancy Drew, I see you in my dreams oh, Nancy I don't know why you can't see that I'm in love with you I'm in love with you, Nancy Drew oh, Nancy I don't know why you can't see that I'm in love with you I'm in love with you, Nancy Drew

Some girls just want to get married some girls just have bad luck some girls are outraged, and rightly so- some girls just don't give a fuck some girls drive pre-owned nissans some girls got a pretty good deal some girls just are studying comparative religions some girls just don't know how they feel some girls are plotting revolution some girls work nine to five some girls are wearing their boyfriends' jackets some girls are actually guys some girls live in new york city some girls, I swear, look just like Bette Davis some girls are convinced that the illuminati are building an army of gay socialist robots that are going to enslave us some girls have strong opinions some girls are trying on shoes some girls are learning the piano some girls just sing the blues some girls just want to talk about their feelings some girls just want to talk about boys some girls are leaving the party early some girls just want to listen to noise some girls don't know what they want some girls just change their minds some girls don't listen to garth brooks, but they've been to a few of his concerts and had a pretty good time some girls have a thing for leather some girls are in way over their head some girls don't want to get in trouble some girls don't want to get out of bed some girls are handing out pamphlets some girls are making headlines some girls are putting on suits, shaking hands, closing deals, dropping names, changing deadlines some girls are going to med school some girls are going to curves some girls get roses on valentine's day some girls just get on my nerves

When I was a baby boy, my mother told me, "son - there's a million things you can be in this life, and you can be any one" and when I was a little bit older they told me in church on sunday, they said "god made us equal, every one - you can be the president someday" now I am a man I put my childish things away and bury the bones of my dreams for a retail job, xanax prescription, cable TV and a whiskey addiction

You've got something on your face you've got something on your face find yourself a mirror stop rubbing it all over the place you've got something on your face you've got something in your teeth you've got something nasty in your teeth it might be arugula or it might be shredded beef but you've got something in your teeth you've got something in your hair I think that you've got something in your hair and I'm not trying to embarrass you I only say it because I care but you've got what looks like mashed potatoes in your hair You've got something on your face you've got something on your face find yourself a mirror stop being a damn disgrace just wipe that bit of something off your face