Bust into the club on a thursday night
my glasses poppin' - my jeans tight.
I see the girls; they're getting tighter
I see the guys; they're all drinking cider.
What?! what kind of a man drinks cider, dude?
take a look at me - I'm drinking lighter fluid.
yeah, that's right. pour me a double
you're all in trouble now
bust off the bar and I hit the floor
y'all candy canes ain't never seen moves like this before
I got my legs flippin' floppin every which way
I throw my hands in the air and that's where they stay
I drop my glasses on the ground, and then I leave 'em-
don't need your eyes cuz you're not gonna believe 'em
and if you see me move you'll say:
"holy shit is that the mr. magoo?"

yo I got a new dance for 2002
so pop off your glasses it's the mr. magoo
and chuck out your cane cuz it ain't no trick
you just wander round the club bumpin' into shit

now I'm talking to the furniture and walls like I know 'em
I got a hundred million pictures of my grandkids to show 'em
people get confused, they think I'm cold trippin
got a loose grip on reality and every day I'm slippin
but if you see me dancing with the coat rack
don't be concerned for me man, just stand back
and keep track of your camera phone
cuz I'm about to bust a move heretofore unknown
and just like your mind, it's gonna get me blown
stretch limosine with some sexy librarians
veterinarians, hot Presbyterians
all because I dance like an octogenarian
more groupies than ringo starr
false teeth floating in a glass on the bar
and there's only one other dance I endorse and it's for girls:
just a little jig I call the secret squirrel

yo I got a new and you know how it do
so pop off your glasses it's the mr. magoo
and chuck out your cane cuz it ain't no trick
you just wander round the club bumpin' into shit

everybody get up now, pop off your spectacles
and dump 'em in the nearest trash receptacle
then check yourself before you wet yourself
cuz we're about to get kooky like a keebler elf
and all those cider-drinkin idiots will be spittin it on the floor
when you're bumping into shit they'll be cheering for more
til the world ends in 2004
or ten years after that? I can't be sure
what I am sure is that the Magoo makes you look like a mac
and that's a fact, guaranteed or double your money back
you'll have glasses-poppin, panty-droppin' moves like me
the only dancer sponsored by the AARP
in conclusion, you could tap dance, break dance, slow dance-
do the risky business in the shirt, socks, and no pants -
you could fox trot, flamenco, tango, dougie-
you could charlie brown, electric slide, hustle, waltz, and monkey-
you could do the boogaloo, or the old soft-shoe,
but it wouldn't hold a candle to the mr. magoo
cuz when I hit the floor, man I freak the club-
I shout: "help! I've fallen and I can't get up!"

yo I got a new dance for 2002
so pop off your glasses it's the mr. magoo
and chuck out your cane cuz it ain't no trick
you just wander round the club bumpin' into shit